would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
