there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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