you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Randomize