Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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