3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
