I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
