Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
