i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
