things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
