Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
