I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
