Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
