I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
