I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
