someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
