Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I love having hate sex.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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