Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
