You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
