Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
