I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
