oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
