This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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