Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
