Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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