final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
