o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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