Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
