I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
