Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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