Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
