I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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