Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
