I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
