He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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