he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
