First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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