I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
