Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
