stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
