So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
