He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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