Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
