I can tuck mytits in my pants
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
