i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
