My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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