i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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