rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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