Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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