and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
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Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
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I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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