I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
