i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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