haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
