i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My vagina is very pro this idea
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