He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
