I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
