WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
