Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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