I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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