last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
