im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
