I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
