Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
