I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize