Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
