there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
