the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My balls are so social today.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
