Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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