Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
