Say something about gay babies.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
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all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
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Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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