dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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