ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
