Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
