I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
