Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
