i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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