Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
