I have demons in me.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
