he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
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