Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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